Xbox One and PS4 Console Achievements and Trophies

Achievement Unlocked: Consoles Roasted (399/499G)

Achievements, trophies, badges, medals, awards, ribbons…I could go on and on. These meta-markers have become part and parcel of today’s gaming world. Achieving these frighteningly addictive little packages of graphical and audible goodness has become a draw for the gaming masses, and a dangerous obsession for the OCD’ers among us.

As is expected in this gaming day and age, Xbox and PlayStation games come into our hands, pregnant with a whole bunch of achievements and trophies ready for the harvest. In fact, we’d be hard-pressed to find any games today that don’t come with some sort of medal/badge system as an added (and for the past 5-7 years, mandatory) meta-feature. And admit it: there’s nothing like hearing the pop of these badges appearing on our screens to let us know that we’ve hit a landmark in the game’s course, or that we’ve achieved some crazy, unattainable goal while playing the game, that most gamers gave up on as being too hard, or too much of a time-sink.

A certain playful user on N4G, MariaHelFutura, took it upon himself to apply these achievements and trophies to the upcoming consoles: the Xbox One* and PlayStation 4*. And considering that the tongue-in-cheek achievements and trophies that he created use the current squabbles and features of the next-gen consoles as seeds for the humor, the results are nothing short of hilarious.

*content has been re-produced with the permission of the author, MariaHelFutura.

Without further ado:

Xbox One System Achievements

Light My World (20g) – Play a racing game with dynamic lighting

This Is The Future (20g) – Use Kinect for a game within 60 days of first using it

Snap, Crackle, Pop (20g) – Freeze the OS using the snap feature

Glorious (50g) – Play a game in 1080p

It’s Not that Bad (50g) – Play 20 games in 720p or lower.

Sparta!!!! (20g) – Play Ryse for more than an hour

Back To The Future (20g) – Use AA’s to power your Xbox One controller

Spread The Word (50g) – Message 100 people over XBL stating 720p actually looks crisper than 1080p

Mission Accomplished (20g) – Recieve 2 messages back agreeing 720p looks crisper

RROD 2.0 (10g) – Have your system become unplayable, because of the snap feature crashing or unlocking the extra 10% of the GPU

For Life Yo (5g) – Buy your 2nd Xbox One

You Made Our Day At Redmond (50g) – Allow MS employees to watch you masturbate

Glorious 2.0 (100g) – Play a non sports title in 1080p

Welcome To 2006 (50g) – Watch a movie on Blu-ray

The Future (20g) – Watch TV all night

The Revolution Will Be Televised (100g) – Spend more time watching TV than playing games

It’s Just So Crisp (100g) – Play 100 games in 720p or lower

Gold Mine (50g) – Get a game from Games with Gold that is less than 5 years old

Stick With It (200g) – Team kill XBL user “xxx1NEAIDEZzZxxx” who is Don Mattrick, while he’s heli trollin’ players with C4 in Battlefield 4

Shhhhhhh (50g) – Have 10 Skype conversations submitted to the NSA

Me, Myself and I (20g) – Spend 10 hours talking to your Xbox One

Peggy Lee (50g) – Spend more money on AA’s, battery packs, plug n’ play and XBL than you’ve spent on the console to begin with

The Real Xbox 1 (20g) – Play a next gen game that runs on a engine from 2001

Sit Down When You Pee (50g) – Get locked out of something you own, as a result of not having XBL at the moment

When It Rains…. (50g) – Send 100 messages claiming the cloud will make the Xbox One 5x more powerful than the PS4 (or high end PC’s) very soon

The Future 2.0 (50g) – Manage to get Kinect to visually sign you in to your profile 4x in a row

PS4 System Trophies

No DRM (Gold) – Play the PS4 offline in a submarine

Thanks For The $60 (Bronze) – Buy and use the PS Camera for more than an hour, kids under 12 don’t count

Next Generation (Bronze) – Play a PS4 game that looks and performs better than the Xbox One version of the same game

Playback?!?! (Bronze) – Use the PS4 to play a DVD, BR and a MP3

Trololol (Silver) Use the PS Camera and a headset to do everything Kinect does

Blinded By The Light (Bronze) – Use duct tape to cover the light bar on the DS4

Sony’s Employee Of The Month (Gold) – Meet PSN user “xxx1NEAIDEZzZxxx” who is Don Mattrick and add him to your friendslist

New Beginning’s (Bronze) – Meet 100 converted Xbox 360 fanboy’s… who just wanted more pixels

Next Generation 2.0 (Silver) – Play 50 PS4 games that look and perform better than the Xbox One version of the same game

I Was Going To Anyway (Silver) – Subscribe to Music Unlimited for $50 to play background music in your games

The Dream Team (Silver) – Wake up after being rendered unconscious by a 1st party exclusive

Not A Beta Tester (Silver) – Play a game the was an Xbox One exclusive on the PS4 with a better frame rate and resolution

Sweet And Salty (Bronze) – Pay for PS+ to play online and be mad about it, then realise PS+ is the best service out there and happily renew

Welcome to 2008 (Bronze) – Use party chat for the first time

Higher Standards (Bronze) – Never play a game on PS4 in 720p

Not Again (Silver) – Be Online when PSN/PS Store goes down

Touch Me (Bronze) – Figure out a use for the touchpad on the DS4

Dat Parity (Bronze) – Play a game that was held back from the Xbox One being a weaker system

Meet A Legend (Gold)  – Meet PSN user “xxxUpInYurGurlxxx” who is Kaz Hirai and join him in making fun of 720p and the Xbox One in general

Next Generation 3.0 (Gold) – Play 250 games on PS4 that look and run better than the Xbox One version of the same game